moving on

its a hard thing to do..... trying to disconnect from a past life is difficult.  friends that you may have made, family.... a family you may have became a part of.  love ones that have past on.  moving on is necessary though.  time doesn't stop and staying connected to those we wished would have stayed does us no good.  Your head starts to pound due to the constant battering you give it as you run into the same walls.  Moving on.... is hard to do.  Most times I just run (figuratively speaking) .

In moving forward with your life you have to make one tough decision after another.  I have made a fair share.  The most important one i made (which was almost out of my control).... is to let go.  Its hard.  I want to reach out to him (my ex)and figure out a way to work it out,  I want to talk to Amber and see how she is doing and give her a much needed hug.  I want to tell Jerry to run a better business and I will do what I can to help make it happen.  I want my parents to understand whats going on in my head.  But in wanting all of this, the moment of acceptance has to come.

 I accept the fact that it just didn't work out between he and I no matter how much it hurts. And it hurts an awful lot.  I accept the fact that Amber left her son behind.  I accept the fact that Jerry didn't want to fix his problem.  And I accept the  fact that I am a black sheep not just among my family but others.  step 1) decide step 2) hurt step 3) accept  step 4) share your lesson.

I cant tell you how informative this year has been because it would be a book.  I can summarize it for you though- Life has taught me -and still is teaching me- the lesson of moving on.